I have SO much to say on emotions (which is why I have to write it in multiple posts), so here we go...
Once a month, every month, my hormones get completely out of balance (ladies, you know what I’m saying). Typically, the emotional chaos lasts 2-3 days and it’s completely miserable. Last week, I woke up and it was like an emotional dump truck had parked right on my chest spilling it’s negativity everywhere. Before I even crawled out of bed, I felt defeated. I felt stressed and broken, but the worst part was that I felt mean. Everything and everyone was an annoyance, and my entire being was screaming to be alone. I didn’t want my husband to even look at me because I was nervous I wouldn’t be capable of holding it together.
Up until that day, I would have kept those feelings bottled up and attempted to be “normal”. I say “attempted” because my husband always calls me out on my BS. My attempts are pathetic… it’s not possible to hide intense emotion no matter how hard you try. And I say "normal" because it's not normal to bottle up our emotions!!! So, instead of doing the same old thing, I let it out. I told my husband that I felt defeated, and mean, and I didn’t want to be around anyone. And you know what? He didn't judge me or belittle me. He told me that it was totally okay to feel that way. And then he encouraged me to leave the house and take the day to myself. You know what else? Speaking that misery out loud unloaded a HEAVY weight. I felt lighter and a little less mean. Did I listen to him? Not entirely. I spent the first half of the day at home trying to work and be productive. I was less miserable than I was before I admitted my problem, so I thought I would be okay (spoiler: I wasn't).
Finally, at my husband’s insistence, I left. I went to Barnes & Noble, got a coffee, and wallowed in some good old fashion self pity. Then I took some time to journal with positive intention before logging in for my weekly coaching call.
That coaching call was on Emotional Wellness & Mastery. Go figure.
Our emotions, whether hormonally driven or not, impact our lives. Why? Emotions are the energy that we fuel our lives with. Think about it, how does your life go when you are feeling driven? Excited? Loved? Depressed? Anxious? We have to fully embrace and feel our emotions in order to truly live. And by mastering our emotions, we have the ability to control whether they will make us or break us. We have the ability to decide whether our life will be fueled by and filled with joy, happiness, excitement, love, and peace, or sadness, depression, anxiety, hatred, and turmoil.
I embraced my emotions earlier in the day...I embraced them hard, BUT I didn't choose them or master them. I allowed them to rule me.
Because I numbed myself with alcohol for years, I am still new to ALL of this. The hormonal mess I was feeling last week didn’t exist 3 years ago because I simply drank it off. Extreme joy was muted by celebratory wine. Deep sadness or fear was numbed by whiskey and seltzers. My life was as close to emotionless as you could get, and I was TERRIFIED that the negative emotions were going to overtake my life when I got sober. But you know what? I had NO idea that I’m the one who gets to choose what emotion rules my life. WE get to choose!
For now, I challenge you to embrace whatever you are feeling. Sit it down and write it out if that helps. Ask yourself probing questions… What is the emotion you are feeling? Why are you feeling this way? What triggered these emotions? Do you think they are good or bad? Do they positively or negatively impact your life? If you don’t think they are helpful or good, what would you rather be feeling? Choose a positive emotion or feeling for the day and embrace it. No matter what happens, choose to see and feel the positive.
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