Fine Lines

I think that I'm a minority here, but I'm going to say it anyway... I absolutely love aging.

I love the fine lines around my eyes.

I love the smile lines.

I love that I'll move from 33 to 34 this year.

I love that as I let my hair grow out over the last year, I was actually disappointed in the fact that I didn't have a single gray hair.

I love getting older because everything that I have worked so hard for shows...

My light-hearted laughter shows in those fine lines around my eyes.

My joyful smiles show in the lines etched into my cheeks.

My desire to live shows in the years I accumulate.

My love for and confidence in myself will show in the gray hairs.

My love comes from the fact that I am so incredibly grateful to be alive.

You see, when you're in active addiction, you feel like your life is going no where. And quite honestly, a lot of the time you hope that it's not. I prayed for my life to end. Over and over again, I prayed that I could be free of the miserable existence that I had allowed. That I had created. And when the end didn't come, I forced myself to go through the motions. I forced myself to smile and laugh and hoped that it came off as natural. Both my laughter and smile rarely touched my eyes.

Over the years, I would see other women laugh, their eyes squinting shut, beautiful lines etching themselves around their eyes, pure joy sparkling in their eyes and their features, and I would feel nothing but envy. Those lines told stories. Stories of happiness, fun, lightness, freedom, and love. Stories and moments that I had no idea how to capture for myself.

Now, I have those lines. I have those moments. I have those stories. And I am so incredibly grateful that I was blessed with a second chance at life to earn those.

My worth and happiness don't come from having a flawless face or the perfect shade of blonde hair. My worth and happiness come from enjoying the life that I have. My worth and happiness were hard won in recovery, and I am going to embrace the side effects. Every single laugh. Every single smile. Every single moment that created those etched lines. Every single lesson learned that helped me gain enough self love and confidence to accept and love what others may see as imperfections.

Whether or not you choose to hide signs of aging, I hope you cherish them. Cherish each and every one. I pray that you are thankful for the years that you have accumulated, and that you find joy in the years to come.