My husband and I got married in November of 2011, and have experienced A LOT throughout our almost 10 year marriage... We blended a family (my two sons from a previous marriage), we made it through a 9 month deployment, we were moved from California to Florida by the United States Navy, we added our daughter, we went through multiple surgeries, we moved multiple times, we bought investment properties, "we" were medically retired from the US Navy, we started a business, we journeyed through sobriety, and during all of this we had our highs and we had our lows.
In 2017 we hit our all time low and the word divorce was tossed out more often than I care to admit. We blamed the business and the stress it had put on us, but the truth was we had stopped dating and investing in one another years prior. The lack of investment was more important than the dating in my opinion. We still went out on "dates" occasionally, but our time was filled with talk about what was happening (kids, business, household projects, etc). Because we didn't even know what "investing in each other" meant at that time, we didn't talk about our goals or our dreams. We didn't ask each other how we could help the other achieve those things. We were simply living life side by side, reactive to everything that was thrown our way. It took a Category 5 Hurricane, a whirlwind move from Florida to Upstate New York, closing our business, and my husband taking the time to truly invest in himself (while learning how to invest in us) for us to change the way we did marriage. I will admit that I fought him along the way, but that's a story for another day.
One of the most important aspects of our marriage now is Wednesday Date Lunch. This is something that Travis pioneered about 2 years ago in 2019, and it is now a non-negotiable in our marriage. By this time in 2019, we were in an "okay" place, and I was expecting this date lunch to be like every other "date". You know... you go out, eat good food, chat about the kids, the business, your diet, all the other typical surface level topics. I didn't anticipate the level of discussion and involvement that was going to go into these things. I felt blindsided, overwhelmed, and a little defensive... Travis' interest in me and my dreams felt like an inquisition. His ardent desire to discuss our future cued my anxiety. I didn't know how to react, so I shut down. Needless to say, we got in a HUGE fight. By the time we got home it had been talked over and [mostly] smoothed out, but it took some time to figure out this new thing. Each week it got little easier, until it became second nature. Now, it's the highlight of my week.
The best part of Wednesday Date Lunch is it's never the same. Our goals and dreams and future evolve daily, so our discussions and plans of attack evolve as well. We aren't discussing our daily lives, we're discussing our passions and our futures. We're discussing the next step to achieving our dreams. It's exciting to share those things, but it's also fulfilling when you have someone who not only listens, but asks "how can I help you get there?" We invest in one another by finding out the best way to support each other. Whether that help is by coaching the other through a rough spot, jumping into a new adventure, or leveling up completely, we do it together. We may not be going after the exact same goal all the time, but we are on the same path supporting the other along the way.
Syncing up your week with your partner and making time for them is SO important. I know how easy it is to get lost in our children, work, personal pain, etc. and refocusing and reconnecting is not always easy...but it's worth it!! I'd challenge you to level up date night (or time after the kids go to bed) and discuss your goals and dreams. Listen with an open heart and mind and then ask, "How can I help you achieve it?" or "How can we achieve this together?"
Comments