Dear Moms,
I've said it before, and I'll say it again - please stop using motherhood as an excuse to drink. You were literally freaking MADE for it.
"Gosh the kids were so difficult today. I totally deserve this."
"You have no idea what it's like with a child who has XYZ. This is SO needed."
"I worked all day. I just need to relax with my wine and zone out. We'll play tomorrow."
"Ugh. Mama needs wine to deal with this!"
"It's been such a long week with the kids home from school. I need a drink."
"Gosh. They are going to drive me to drink even more."
I can't tell you how many times I've heard the above statements. Most times, these statements are said in front of or directly to their children. Not only are you sending the message that it's impossible to parent and adult without alcohol, you're telling your children that they aren't enough. They aren't well behaved enough and make you miserable, or they simply aren't entertaining enough for you to pay attention to them...
1. If our children are that bad, 99.5% of the time it's our own fault. Yes, I said it. It's the parent's lack of parenting. Most of the time, our children lack encouragement, discipline, and consistency, or they lack real attention.
2. Let's put down the drink, and give our children some of what they need: true undivided attention. Put your work and phone away, and be present with them. Show interest in them. Engage them... Play a game. Go for a walk. Have a conversation!
We use SO MANY excuses to drink...yet, drinking amplifies almost every single one (stress being the main one here). We may feel so great for those few hours that we're intoxicated, but do we ever think of the side effects? Side effects that can last much longer than the time you are drunk...
Side Effects of Alcohol: Stress. Anxiety. Depression. Drowsiness. Nausea. Impaired Judgement. Headaches. Impatience. Brain Fog. Weight Gain. High Blood Pressure. Lack of Energy. Addiction. Liver Damage. Fatigue. Muscle Cramps. These are just SOME of the MANY side effects. Do any of these sound like things that will help us to parent our children? I can say from a lot of experience, they don't. How can you fully present with your child when you're tipsy? How can you stay consistent when your brain is impaired?
I thought I was doing just fine. I thought that drinking made me more relaxed and fun. In reality, it turned me into a stressed out, anxiety ridden, energy-less, brain fogged mess that was trying to do all the things, but I was failing. I was not living up to my God given role as a leader of my children. I wasn't parenting - I was surviving.
Once alcohol was cut out, I had nothing to obsess over. I had nothing to numb me. I had to face the actual root of my problem and work past it. Because let me tell you, it wasn't stress or my children causing me to drink. It was trauma rooted in my past. Once that no longer had a hold on me, I was free to focus on developing myself into the mother that I wanted to be. I spent time figuring out ways to be present with my kids. I spent time figuring out how I wanted to spend that time with them. And let me tell you, time with my children is SO much more enjoyable without a drink.
I would challenge you to focus on all of the good things in motherhood this week, and see how it feels to go un-impaired. One week. I know you can do it! See what positive changes you can make in your life and your kid's!
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